Boldly Running

Lincoln Chafee announced he wanted to run for the Democratic bid under a platform of "bold ideas" including the idea of switching to using the metric system.

While discussing this at work someone mentioned that the idea of using standardized units would not be well received by the general American population, to the point where that single idea could have cost him the nomination.

I am hoping that some Republican candidate realizes that the issue is polarizing and decides to run under a platform of "bold ideas", including the idea of switching to units which are even further away from the metric system.

To help that hypothetical Republican candidate in his nomination I want to submit a proposal to change the unit of energy from Calories to horsepower per hour (or horses for short).

This has many benefits; for example: horsepower per hour is a bigger unit than calories, so instead of eating hundreds of calories we will be eating only half a horse (note: call this a pony). I am sure this will boost morale and have a positive effect on people who overeat.

And so that people get accustomed to the change, some meals in horses:

• Bruléed French Toast from Cheesecake Factory -- 4.33 horses 
• Big Hook Up from Joe-s Crab Shack -- 5.11 horses 
• New York Steak "Contadina style" from Maggiano's  -- 3.77 horses.
• Deep Dish Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza from BJ's -- 3.36 horses
• Large Chocolate Oreo Shake from Baskin-Robbins -- 4.05 horses

Chicago Bullies

Chicago Bulls fans who watch their team in the United Center receive coupons for a free Big Mac if their team wins and scores at least 100 points.

This has lead to some mathematically-challenged fans who will boo the players when they do not score at least 100 points, because they do not understand that 99 < 100 and the players just saved them from having a dinner which, nutritionally speaking, compares slightly disfavorably to cheap car oil and doesn't taste much better than it either.

This has also lead some of my more sophisticated readers to wonder: "well, but why is McDonald's torturing Bulls fans by forcing them to consume their burgers?" and I would like to remind them that this is America; we do not condone torture. Giving out free Big Macs is only part of the CIA's enhanced celebration techniques.

The Diversity of Sand-grains

Today I read an article by Susana Polo in which she discusses the news that DC Comics is scrapping the New 52 in favor of a more diverse, character driven series of comics.

This is all great for DC. Diversity in media is definitely a good thing. It is realistic because the world we live in is diverse and it gives us different points of view and better characters and interactions.

From the article we can see that DC is attempting to steal some of Marvel's market with their more diverse super heroes, led by the new Ms. Marvel, who is a young Muslim woman. Polo continues to congratulate Marvel on the great work they are doing for diversity saying that "[Marvel] has shown other commitments to diversity on the page [...] with all-female Avengers and X-Men teams".

She is using "diversity", of course, in the less well-known form where it means: "not differing from one another, not containing people of different genders".

Dear ACL

Rebekah Gregory DiMartino's life changed drastically after she attended the Boston Marathon in 2013. She was standing next to one of the bombs placed during the attack, which left her with an injured leg that doctors have fought for months to save. Unfortunately, the leg couldn't be saved and Rebekah finally decided to have it removed but this has not made her lose her positive attitude.

This amazing display of energy and positivism has really inspired me and has made me think: if she can milk her injury for all it's worth, why can't I get a little attention and money for mine? 

And so it is that I decided to write a letter to my ACL:

Hey ACL, it's me.

I know that some times you feel like I'm tearing you apart, but I want to tell you that my feelings are true and that I never wanted to hurt you. I'm not saying that this isn't hard for me and I understand that you want to leave me; however, I don't want this thing we have to come to an end. Every day that I spend without you is a day where I am unstable and I feel like I can trip and fall at any moment. I'm not sure I can reach my full potential if you are not here. I love you, I really do, and you are crucial to my happiness. Please come back (and bring your friends MCL and cartilage back too).

Wishing you the best,
Magus

I have also started posting corny puns in my Facebook:

ACLimatizing myself to living without you is hard.

After the previous pun I realized that it is really hard to make good puns with ACL so instead I decided to post some super positive images instead:

To fully appreciate the previous image watch it while listening to this.

And now that all of this is done I am just waiting for the money and interview requests to pour in.  

We're All Gonna Die!!

Liberia, Sierra Leone and Guinea are in the middle of what Joanne Liu, president of Doctors Without Borders, named "the worst Ebola epidemic in history" and warns that "the world is losing the battle to contain it", Judge Jeaniné from Fox News says that "[the US Center for Disease Control and Prevention] don't know what the hell they are doing, they are lying to you or they are plain incompetent" and Dana Ford says that the "odds of survival are not good". So, should we be terrified or just really, really scared?

Lets look at the whole thing from a numbers perspective: 

• As of October 14, 2014 there are 9,216 reported cases, of which 4,555 have died (49.4% death rate)
• Most of the deaths have been people who have no access to health care and who, for religious reasons, are not able to dispose of the body in the ways required to avoid spreading the disease.
• In countries with access to medicine the death rate is around 33%

At this point the part of our brain that tells us if something is bad is screaming "4,555 deaths! That's terrible!", but lets take a look at some of the other leading causes of death for this year: Just in the US, heart disease kills around 596,577 people every year and cancer kills another 576,691. We might think those aren't valid comparisons because cancer and heart disease aren't communicable diseases. In a year, the flu kills 53,826 people. Put another way: every single month, just in the US, influenza kills more people than the Ebola outbreak has killed in the whole world.

If you live in the US, in the past five years you have the same chance of dying of Ebola than you have of being stabbed by a rooster (I am doing my part by eating chicken wings in order to stop the stabbing chicken outbreak) or chocked to death by cockroaches. This year you are twice as likely to be killed by bears, than you are to be killed by Ebola.

But lets stop focusing on the US, and lets look a bit more closely at Liberia. So far in Liberia there have only been 2,484 reported deaths. Since Liberia has a population of 4,092,310 inhabitants it represents around 0.06% of the population. In comparison, the Black Death is said to have killed around half the population of the entire European continent. Joanne Liu and Dana Ford get away with the "worst Ebola outbreak" on the technicality that we don't really have any data for any other Ebola outbreak.

Not all is perfect; however, Wikipedia conveniently has a chart of the new cases contracted in Liberia day by day

What is the previous chart telling us? First it is telling us that the growth is exponential:

cases = 9.3249e0.0505days

Bad outbreaks generally tend to kill around 30% of the population in a country or region. If Liberia has 4,092,310 inhabitants we can solve for the number of days that it would take to have about 1,227,693 reported cases of Ebola:

The attentive reader will notice that my equation is only giving us reported cases, and not really deaths and that the number of deaths will only be half that because the mortality rate is 50%; however, it turns out to make little difference because the function is exponential and it would only take another 10 days or so for the number to double. 

That sounds bad, but for the equation to work two things must continue to be true: victims will continue to receive inadequate treatment and the number of cases will continue to grow exponentially (both of which are very unlikely). 

Places with health care have even less to worry about. The infection rate in the US seems to be pretty low; the family of the guy from Dallas will finish their quarantine in a couple hours (from the time of this writing) in what they are calling "a tremendous miracle" and of all the nurses and medical staff that treated the guy only two contracted the disease (even though the medical equipment they were using was insufficient).

Even if you do contract the disease, the death rate in places with health care seems to be much closer to 33%, and now that the whole world is aware of the outbreak it is very likely to go even further down. 

So, should we be terrified or just really, really scared? Neither just yet, but we should still be careful, because if we ignore the problem for a few months then we will really have something to be scared of.

La [Censurado] y [Censurado]©

Hoy fui a ver el musical de la Bella y la Bestia de Disney. 

El músical empieza con una bruja que, para enseñarle una lección a un principe, le pone una terrible maldición y lo convierte en un monstruo horrible (piensen Elba Esther Gordillo pero con cuernos). 

Después cortamos a varios años después, en un pueblo cercano donde Belle, una inteligente super modelo que además es sumamente hacendosa, fiel y cariñosa es menospreciada por todo el pueblo (un problema común que enfrentan todas las mujeres atractivas). 

En este pueblo también conocemos a Gaston, un presumido cazador que quiere casarse con Belle, a pesar de que todos sus intentos de conquistarla han sido fallidos, y al padre de Belle, un inventor que obviamente es considerado como un loco por todos los demás.

Mientras prueba una de sus invenciones, el padre de Belle se pierde en el bosque y termina llegando al castillo de la Bestia, quien inmediatamente lo captura. Al enterarse de esto Belle sale a rescatarlo, negociando con la Bestia que deje a su padre ir y a cambio, ella se quedaría en el castillo.

Ya estando en el castillo, Belle conoce a personajes inolvidables como Lumiere y Cogsworth que interpretan la famosísima canción Be Our Guest para invitarla a quedarse. Eventualmente Belle descubre que la Bestia en realidad no es tan malo y obviamente se enamora, rompiendo la maldición del principio y vivieron felices para siempre.

La escenografía es simplemente inolvidable

En fin, el musical me gustó muchísimo. Lo único que no me gustó es que no nos dejaron tomar fotos para proteger el copyright de Disney. 

The Picture of Grayson Dorian

"How sad it is!" murmured Grayson Dorian "I shall grow old and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will always remain young. If it were only the other way! For that I would give everything! I would give my soul for that!"

But in a cruel twist of fate, that monstrous moment of pride and passion did not let him keep his unsullied splendor of eternal youth. As each sin of his life still brought its sure swift penalty along with it, but the picture remained exquisitely young and beautiful.

The Ironing Fairy

"I swear it is true!" – Jessica's look of disbelief didn't help, but Emma pushed on – "I would leave my dirty clothes before leaving for class and when I came back they would be washed, ironed and folded in my closet"

"But it had to be 'the Ironing Fairy'? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was your parents?"

Jessica turned and entered the parking lot.

"Drive all the way from a different state so they could do my laundry and not even say hi?"

"Then your roommate"

"I don't know, I never really got along with her" – the University had a program where you could room with someone with a disability and they would pay for a part of your tuition. Thinking back, Emma couldn't tell what her roommate's disability was, she had always looked normal to her.

They got out of the car and looked for Sean. They hadn't seen each other since college. Emma remembered how they had promised to stay in touch "I won't cry" – she said – "because this is not goodbye" – and then she cried anyway, for dramatic effect. She remembered making the same promise in middle school and high school but now she couldn't even remember her friend's names.

"How are you girls? Long time no see" – Sean waved from the entrance – "Should we get a table?"

They sat and ordered a round of drinks. These reunions have a way of becoming a nostalgic trip to the past. In their retellings, the four pillars of different colors that they used to sit by now represented friendship, the windowless classrooms in the basement with their underpowered computers now seemed like state of the art labs and all the professors had a new-found charisma and insight that they lacked while they were actually giving class.

"Do you remember John from intro to accounting? He was so into Emma" – Jessica had a wide grin

"But he was also super creepy" – Scott added – "they say that he would go into the girl's dorm to steal clothes"

"Unless he wasn't stealing" – Jessica filled Sean in on the Ironing Fairy

"You think that creep was doing my laundry every week?"

"He sure was into you"

"Well, crap"—Emma took a sip from her glass as the table fell silent

"All right, change of subject" – Jessica knew how to keep a conversation going – "Have you seen anyone from school?"

"Yeah! Of all people, I am now working with Cindy, Emma's old roommate" – Sean answered – "she is our floor admin"

"Really? How is she?"

"Not too great, she has really bad dust allergies and with the construction site of our new building so close she has been missing a lot of days. Even before the construction began she would get to her cube and clean everything thoroughly, I think she has a mild obsessive compulsive disorder and wants to have everything tidy"

"That poor girl"

Their conversation sucked the light off the day and they eventually walked to their cars. They agreed they should get together more often. Emma thought back to her nameless friends from middle school.

Olimpiadas de Invierno

Cuando uno vive en el extranjero, los eventos a los que está acostumbrado se vuelven un poco diferentes. En navidad comes algunas cosas que nunca habías visto, la independencia la celebras borracho en la alberca en lugar de borracho en el Ángel, a la hora de cantar el himno te paras incómodo y mueves la boca como si te supieras las estrofas mientras que... bueno, algunas cosas sí son iguales.

Con las olimpiadas sucede lo mismo, así que mientras en México los noticieros deportivos cubren las apuestas en el hockey y el marcador de Pumas-América en Estados Unidos la narrativa ha sido lo horrible que es el gobierno Ruso porque utiliza los medios para manipular a la gente y por las retrógradas políticas en contra de la homosexualidad, en contraste con los Estados Unidos donde Fox News sólo brinda la información más objetiva con comentaristas pertinentes y sagaces y los gays nos caen de lujo siempre y cuando no se estén casando porque francamente eso de casarte con otro hombre está a un paso de casarte con un perro.

Pero con la clausura el día de hoy ha sido más para recordar los momentos mágicos de las olimpiadas de invierno pasadas. Como parte de la cobertura completamente objetiva de los medios, todos estos momentos mágicos son relacionados a los Estados Unidos y ninguno es más mágico que la historia de Nancy Kerrigan.

A principios de los años 90s el equipo de patinaje de los Estados Unidos tenía a varias de las mejores patinadoras del mundo, entre ellas Nancy Kerrigan y Tonya Harding. Acercándose las olimpiadas de invierno de 1994, Harding comenzó a preocuparse de que ella no tenía oportunidad de ir a las olimpiadas, por lo que comenzó a planear una manera de deshacerse de Kerrigan.

Meses después, durante un viaje de entrenamiento a Tarsonis, Harding comenzó su plan. Primero plantó un emisor psi para atraer a los Zerg, mientras que un golpeador a sueldo le rompía las rodillas a Kerrigan y la dejaba abandonada a la voluntad del enjambre Zerg. Videos de ese día muestran a Kerrigan preguntando "¿por qué?" mientras es arrastrada hacia el Overmind.

Kerrigan, impulsada por la rabia, se curó rápidamente de la herida y volvió a practicar con la misma intensidad que antes, por lo que durante las olimpiadas de 1994 tuvo lo que muchos consideran la mejor actuación de su vida. Los jueces, asombrados con su participación y aterrados por los Hydralisks que los tenían clavados a su asiento le dieron la medalla de oro, plata y bronce.

Kerrigan durante las Olimpiadas de '94

DTS

William had been in places like this before. The air felt heavier, the lights seemed dimmer and people wore dark colors to match their humor. People who worked in the DTS would always be "between jobs". Will checked the computer connection, checked his Approved and Denied stamps and opened the small window where a man in a suit was awaiting eagerly. William mustered some patience to get him through the day and said "Papers, please".

After his shift ended, William left for the living quarters. The accommodation was adequate, but a far cry from the luxurious apartment where he stayed during college. He thought back to those days. He could see a younger version of himself walking back from school. He recognized that jump in his step, that care-free smile, both of which were lost to him now. Young Will sat down to watch TV. Like a motorist slowing down for an accident, William couldn't take his eyes off his younger self. Young Will realized it was late, he had lost track of time again. He stood up and realized that he was no longer home. He turned around hoping to find his house, but instead he only found the entrance to the Department of Timeline Security.

The first few weeks after arrival are spent in training. "Welcome to the DTS" – said a voice that Will could only describe as patriotic – "Time Travel, as you all know, is a very serious matter. It is the responsibility of the Department of Timeline Security to insure that the timeline is safe, secure and resilient against terrorism and other hazards. It is our duty to secure and manage the different time periods through enforcement of our immigration laws. For the next weeks you will be trained on all the processes and checks that are necessary to keep our timelines safe."

Will learned that it is fairly common for people to lose track of time and end up in a temporary limbo. The DTS will sometimes drag those people back into the timeline. These people, like Will, are then required to work for a number of years verifying documents and making sure nobody smuggles illegal technology.

The last day of training Will was taken to the time portal. Once a person has legally obtained a visa, undergone a background check and gone through migratory control they would be brought here. William saw a girl in front of the portal getting ready to jump. The girl owned a camera and a mirror and brought both when she dived. Will wondered if she even kept the camera around her neck when she bathed or changed. Most people would think it is weird to imagine a girl bathing the first time you see her, but Will thought it was fairly normal. Then the girl disappeared and the portal turned off. Will looked at the portal with a pinch of hope. One day, if he worked hard, a new group of kids would be watching from the rafters as Will stood in front of the portal.

Crazy Enough

The helicopter was flying over the drop zone. Agent Hunter Strength felt adrenaline pumping through his veins as his grip tightened on the handle bar. Some people might confuse his hesitation to jump with fear; in reality, he was just trying to think of the most badass way to jump. He decided to go with a manly dive.



Weeks earlier, Hunter entered the room. His eyes had trouble adjusting to the darkness as he closed the door behind him. He could see suited men sitting around a table, their expensive suits illuminated by small lights installed in the table’s side, but their faces covered in shadows. Hunter took his place at the table and made a mental note to get facilities to fix the lighting in this place.

“We suspect a terrorist organization has been using the Jackson building to plan an attack.” – The chief said – “We need an agent to extract a group of sensitive documents from the building. Doctor, please take it from here”

A screen turned on with a map full of annotations, green wires covering the background in an expansive grid.

“What is that, Doc?” – Hunter asked

“My screensaver.” – The doctor moved the mouse around to reveal a Power Point™ presentation with the plan of attack – “We will approach the building by sub, within a few miles of it we will launch a Swimming Delivery Vehicle which is similar to a torpedo except it has no propulsion of its own. As it gets close to the sewage system you will have to dispose of it and swim”

“You want me to swim in a sewer?” – Hunter’s voice betrayed incredulity

“Well, it’s the safest way. As you can see in the documents I gave you...”

Hunter couldn't read the documents in the dim light (why did they schedule meetings here?), but he didn't need to – “I have a better plan, Doc, I will take a chopper and use the squirrel suit to fly to the top of the building, take the main elevator to the floor with the plans and jump through the window to exit in a dramatic fashion.”

“That is insane! The building has sonar capabilities, they will detect the helicopter from miles away and windows in a skyscraper cannot be broken by jumping through them!”

“But they will never expect a front-on attack. Do you have a better plan?”

“Well, as I was jus...”

“I like this plan, Hunter” – The tone in the Chief’s voice was final – “It is crazy enough to work”



Hunter spread his arms to slow down his descent. The building’s defense systems sounded an alarm and dozens of armed soldiers marched to the top of the building. Hunter could not return fire while flying. Fortunately, terrorist organizations have terrible target practice programs. Unfortunately, one of the bullets hit Hunter in the leg, which made him lose his balance. His altitude was now much lower than needed, he would not make the ceiling, but he had another crazy idea and he started diving. As Hunter’s body sped towards the window he pictured the translucent disembodied heads of his friends making speeches about the power of love and friendship. This made him feel invincible, certain in his victory. When he crashed into the building the window creaked slightly, with hardly a crack.



Hunter realized that his plan had failed; he was falling fast. He cursed at a universe so unfair that it would not let the good guys win no matter how preposterous their plans were. He probably would never realize the irony of what he was thinking.

Power Rangers

Quizás los Power Rangers en realidad se trataban de una invasión alienígena que le daba robots gigantes a un grupo de adolescentes para que ellos mismos destruyeran nuestras ciudades. Después de todo, los robots causaban muchísimo daño colateral pero los malos siempre aparecían a la mitad del desierto.

Spy vs. Spy

Entre atentados terroristas y bombas a veces es difícil poner las cosas en perspectiva y recordar que un grupo de héroes trabaja todos los días, poniendo en riesgo su vida, para que nosotros podamos vivir tranquilos. Es por esto que hoy mientras comía, al ver que un grupo de agentes de la CIA están jugando videojuegos por nuestra seguridad, siento un nudo en la garganta que es parte orgullo y parte que me estoy ahogando con la comida.

Este grupo de valientes héroes espían a otros jugadores para asegurarse de que no estén planeando un ataque terrorista, por ejemplo: cuando un Psycho llama a sus amigos para ir a matar a Voracidous The Invincible la CIA rápidamente arma un escuadrón de protección para ir a proteger a Elba Esther Gordillo. 

Por otra parte, tira buen loot y Seraph Crystals

Por supuesto que este nivel de seguridad tiene sus complicaciones; tantos fueron los valientes hombres y mujeres que decidieron arriesgar su vida jugando todo el día que la CIA tuvo que poner en marcha un plan especial para asegurarse que sus espías no estén espiándose a si mismos (digamos, en el raid semanal de 20 agentes de la CIA).

Teniendo presente mi responsabilidad de informar a mi público lector decidí arriesgarme yo también, y logré conseguir una exclusiva con el agente Bloomsbury (nombre ficticio para proteger la identidad de mi fuente).

De izquierda a derecha: Blackhand, Garona y Bloomsbury

Al dar las 8 de la mañana, Bloomsbury inicia su día loggeandose a un servidor de Norte América, donde pasará las próximas 6 horas granjeando quilboars para poder comprar pociones y reparar su armadura. A estas horas es cuando se junta con su equipo para intentar terminar un raid. Este día están intentando luchar contra C'Thun, pero después de varios intentos fallidos deciden que tendrán que matarlo hasta el día siguiente. Bloomsbury, furioso porque su tanque tenía más DPS que sus magos, me pide que lo deje de seguir -- "¡No soy agente de la CIA!" -- escribe, frase que, como todos sabemos, es típica de los agentes de la CIA.

La Obra

Roberto Bolaños sobre la vida de las obras literarias: 

Durante un tiempo la Crítica acompaña a la Obra, luego la Crítica se desvanece y son los Lectores quienes la acompañan [...]. Luego los Lectores mueren uno por uno y la Obra sigue sola [...] Finalmente la Obra viaja irremediablemente sola en la Inmensidad. Y un día la Obra muere, como mueren todas las cosas

Esto me hace pensar en qué sucede con los libros que, a pesar de no ser completamente olvidados por la gente, tampoco son leídos. Qué pasa con una obra como El Gran Gatsby que ha sido reinterpretada en Hollywood decenas de veces pero que en sus últimas interpretaciones ya perdió la escencia del original ¿será que la obra revive como zombie?

Tequila, Sombrero, Viva Mexico!

Para los que no sepan, el 15 de Septiembre marca el inicio del Hispanic American Heritage Month. Este mes tiene como objetivo “celebrar la historia, cultura y contribuciones de ciudadanos Americanos cuyos ancestros vinieron de España, México, el Caribe y América del Sur.” Además, este tipo de celebraciones tienen la doble ventaja de que demuestran categóricamente que el racismo en Estados Unidos ya no existe, porque nada dice “ya no somos racistas” como elegir a un grupo de personas basado únicamente en su raza y darles tratamiento completamente diferente de los demás.

Y ustedes se preguntarán ¿bueno, pero eso cómo se celebra? Pues de muchas maneras. Una por ejemplo es que agarras a un grupo de gente chaparrita, gordita y morena, los vistes de zarape y sombrero y los metes en un estudio de televisión, invitas a un grupo de celebridades de descendencia hispana (estás buscando jugadores de futbol – no confundirlo con football –, boxeadores y beisbolistas, porque los latinos sólo son buenos para eso) y a una güera que haga cara de fascinación con cualquier historia taruga que le cuenten para que los “entreviste”. Después del programa todos nos vamos a tomar unos tequilas servidos en un sombrero mientras tocan mariachis.  

Otra que también me gusta es cuando las compañías hacen una versión latina del producto que están vendiendo, por ejemplo, cambiamos Sports Nation por Sports Nación y ya está mexicanizado o agregamos un pronombre a los uniformes de basketball para que  digan “Los Spurs”.

Lo único que me da tristeza es que los posters que tenemos están medio feitos, porque los hispanos todavía no inventamos Fotoshop. 

There can be no question!

Después de destruir un fuerte en playas Bostoneanas, Connor y su primer almirante tienen el siguiente intercambio: 

Primer almirante: "Ahora sí los Ingleses han ido demasiado lejos" Connor: "No, este fuerte no tenía ninguna ventaja estratégica y la gente era pacífica"Primer almirante: "Entonces..."Connor: "¡Templars!"

En el fondo se escucha la voz del Profesor Farnsworth diciendo: "There can be no question!"

How I Didn't Meet Your Mother

Today, about a million users sent hundreds of thousands of cleverly crafted messages to other people in the hopes of finding love (or sex). Statistically speaking, most of them will not find it, but this brings up a fairly interesting question: how do we describe ourselves when we are trying to attract a complete stranger online? In order to answer this question I decided to create a small program that will give me statistical data from the site OK Cupid. 

My initial guess was that love would be the most used word, after all, the whole point of dating is finding love, right? However, I was a bit surprised to find that the most commonly used word is have (in its many different forms). But, do we want other people to think that we are materialistic and only care about money? Turns out we don't, the word have is used in phrases like "must have a [great/good] sense of humor" and "have a good time".

Back to the question of commonly used words, the second most used word is like. Love is a distant third and it is used to describe activities we like, not the feeling. Some of the phrases where love is used are: "I love to hang out with friends" and "I love trying new things". Other words that appear fairly often are friends, music and time (usually in "a good time").

After I was done with words I decided to analyze the most common phrases. Most people mention they "like hanging out with [friends/family]" and they are "looking for someone who makes them laugh" and "has a great sense of humor". Most profiles then mention the Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (which I didn't even know existed). A very large number of profiles also link to YouTube videos. 

Since OK Cupid also conveniently splits people into genders I decided to investigate the words that each gender used next. The three words women use most often in their profiles are have (78.5% of women use it), love (78%) and friend (77.5%). The three most used words for men are have (78.3%), like (77.9%) and music (74.5%). In many cases, in the same phrase where women would use love to qualify something they like doing, men would use like. The word love isn't even in the top ten most used words by men and it is only used in 65.7% of their profiles.

Seeing the disparity in the usage of the word love between men and women I felt curiosity to find which words had the biggest usage gap between genders. 

The four words that women use fairly often but men don't are: smile, family, dinner and love. Most of the times, they use the word smile because somebody told them they had a beautiful smile (awwwr!).

The four words that men use fairly often but women don't are: guy, stuff, game and bad. I should mention that women are about 10% less likely than men to list video games in their profiles at all. If you have a gamer girlfriend you are a fairly lucky man.

Moving on to profile statistics I was shocked to discover that, contrary to what the Internet taught me, there are virtually no lesbians in the real world. Of the almost two thousand female profiles I parsed not a single one self-identified as a lesbian, 98.56% said they were straight and 1.43% said they were bi. A similar phenomenon was present in male profiles: of the almost two thousand male profiles I parsed not a single one self-identified as bi, 96.58% said they were straight and 3.41% said they were gay. If I had to guess I would say that there is a much higher social stigma to admitting you are gay when you are a woman than when you are a man. I was also happy to see that the numbers I got were right around the numbers from the 2010 census. 

Not surprisingly, people who self-identify as LGBT are usually either Agnostic or Atheist. 

But what physical characteristics does the average OK Cupid user have? Well, the average male user is 5'10.5" which is a full inch above the national average for men. Female users are 5'5" which is also a full inch above the national average for women.

New York City's board of health will also be happy to know that they don't need to restrict soda access to anyone on OK Cupid because out of four thousand profiles not a single person was overweight (I am not sure how the Census got their 35.7% number). Sure, 5% of women say they are curvy, but almost all of them are working on losing the extra weight (and it's just curvy). Men on the other hand seem to spend all their time on the gym: 25% have athletic body builds and 19% are fit. Of all the male profiles only 5% say they have a little extra weight (but only a little). Admittedly, the numbers could be a bit low because the average user of OK Cupid has a reason to stay fit and is relatively young.

The income distribution for OK Cupid users is right around the national median of $46,326 (which surprised me a bit because the average age is only 27 years old). Not surprisingly; however, as people get older they start earning more money as we can see in the following chart of percentage of people who report a certain income by age:

One thing that is surprising is that, for OK Cupid users, women who decided to report their income make a bit more money than men, with far less women deciding to work for a pay of less than $50k a year. This is probably due to the fact that women in OK Cupid are mostly young and the big disparity in salaries is much more noticeable as people age. 

But if money is the only thing you care about OK Cupid also has your back! 6% of people report making more than $200,000 a year, compared to only 3.8% from the US Census, OK Cupid even has a tier for people who make more than $1,000,000 dollars a year and an astonishing 6% of males say they are making that much compared to ~0.6% from the real world (ca-ching!)

It is no surprise that normal guys have such a hard time finding their perfect match in dating web sites when they are competing against tall, athletic Adonises who also make much more money than the average person.

El Agua, Como Lumbre

Hay pocas cosas más importantes para el ser humano que el agua, y es por esto que me da tanto gusto saber que los altos directivos de Nestlé están completamente al tanto de un debate importantísimo: el de la privatización del agua.

Como nos explica Peter Brabeck (minuto 2:15), director de Nestlé, hay dos principales corrientes: unos, los que están locos, dicen (quisiera volver a hacer énfasis en lo increíblemente extremo que es este punto de vista) que como ser humano deberías tener acceso al agua. Por otra parte, otro grupo de personas (mucho más razonables) piensa que el agua debería tener un valor para que todos estén conscientes de su precio.

Eso podría sonar un poco severo, pero Peter no es un monstruo, después dice que hay muchas maneras de resolver el problema de la gente que no tiene acceso al agua, por ejemplo: esperar unas cuantas semanas a que se mueran y ¡problema resuelto!

Además, Peter tiene razón; después de todo, si no le ponemos precio al agua ¿cómo podríamos saber que la necesitamos para vivir? En un tema no relacionado, espero que Peter no se haya olvidado de pagar su cuenta de aire, después de todo, ideas tan revolucionarias podrían deberse a una falta de oxígeno en el cerebro.

"Ellos" Nos Vigilan

En un episodio de Justice League Unlimited, Super Chica está teniendo sueños extraños en los que mata a gente inocente. Al escuchar esto, la Pregunta (un atrevido reportero que usa una máscara de piel) conecta los puntos al grupo de seres humanos que han estado controlando todos los eventos de la historia, trazando la línea de su control desde Egipto antiguo.

La Pregunta les muestra su pizarrón lleno de información sobre todos los eventos que ellos están controlando: calentamiento global, levantamientos armados en el tercer mundo, las tienditas de café, que los gérmenes están ganándole a los antibióticos y las boy bands. Flecha Verde, incrédulo, le comenta a la pregunta: “Tienes que ser realista ¿quién ganaría algo de todo esto?” a lo que la Pregunta sólo contesta: “ciertamente ¿quién?”

Los super héroes siguen su única pista y entrevistan al doctor que operó a Super Chica, este les dice que las pesadillas que tuvo son muy comunes porque la operaron y no está acostumbrada a ser vulnerable, lo que la hace tener este tipo de sueños. Los super héroes determinan que esta explicación probablemente es válida y mientras van comentando cómo todo tiene sentido, ellos mandan a un grupo de robots super secretos a luchar contra los super héroes. Aquí quisiera hacer un paréntesis para elogiar las habilidades de mantenerse en secreto de ellos, supongo que esta misma sutileza de mandar robots asesinos en helicópteros a luchar con super héroes es lo que los ha mantenido en secreto todos estos años.

Eventualmente nuestros héroes llegan al fondo de las cosas y descubren que ellos tienen un programa para crear super héroes bajo su control y como experimento inicial crearon a Power Girl basándose en el DNA de Super Chica (lo que obviamente explica la conexión síquica que tenían).

Este interesantísimo episodio estuvo increíble porque nos permitió ver la conexión clarísima entre Egipto antiguo, las boy bands y Super Chica. El único problema es que no llegó al fondo de la conspiración. Verán: el episodio se llama “Fearful Symmetry”, que es justamente lo que tenía el número cuatro hasta que ellos cambiaron su forma con la esperanza de despistarnos:

El número cuatro en inglés tiene exactamente cuatro letras, mientras que en Español tiene cinco, pero esto no es todo, el número cuatro ha sido extremadamente importante a través de la historia: las cuatro estaciones, las cuatro virtudes cardinales, los cuatro caballos del Apocalipsis, los cuatro fantásticos ¿y dónde empieza todo esto? Claramente podemos trazarlo a Egipto antiguo donde los cuatro hijos de Horus representaban los órganos que nos hacían humanos. Por supuesto, una vez que sabemos esto algunos hechos recientes de la historia se vuelven más claros: tenemos cuatro planetas interiores, pero teníamos cinco gigantes de gas ¿qué hicieron ellos? Removieron Plutón para que sólo tuviéramos cuatro gigantes de gas. De los planetas interiores, sólo uno tiene cuatro letras cuando escribes su nombre en inglés: Marte, y la trama se complica: a pesar de que los científicos de los años sesentas decían que íbamos a llegar a Marte “en los próximos diez años” aquí estamos en 2013 y todavía no logramos mandar a una persona a Marte ¿qué sucedió? ¿Quién está tomando las fotos del Mars Rover cuando lo enviaron a Marte y no hay nadie más para tomar fotografías?

Ya que estamos aquí ¿quién le está limpiando las ruedas al Mars Rover para que se vea tan limpio?

¿Por qué en la fotografía del pene que dibujó el Mars Rover no se ve ninguna bandera ondeando (o sin ondear) con el aire de Marte?

¡El mundo tiene que saber!

¿Qué están escondiendo? Ellos lo saben y ahora ustedes, mis queridos lectores, también.

Windows Phone

Viendo el basket pasaron un anuncio sobre James. A James su teléfono le dice dónde tiene que estar (hace cinco minutos), le recuerda sus malas ideas, le dice qué hay de nuevo y le ayuda a tener presente lo que es realmente importante (en el video no se ve claramente si es hacerle una suplex alemana a un niño o usarlo como pelota al jugar volleyball). Nuestro amigo James dice que estaría perdido sin su celular, contesta el teléfono, sale de su departamento y se pierde en la calle mientras le dice a su amigo sexy Ricardo que ya va en el taxi.

Ahora sí se me antoja un Windows Phone!